May 5 2009

Mexico, Help Me Help you

Dear Mexico,

I know you are going through a tough time right now. The swine flu, sorry H1N1, is making you sick, and tourism is down. I get that. No one wants a funny tan line on their face because they have to wear a surgical mask to your lovely beaches. These are challenging days.

And I want to support you and pump a little money into your economy. I’m sure you need it right now. But this is a beer blog and your beers are…..DAMN.

See, America is in the midst of a huge craft beer revolution. It is surprising it has not come to you, our fine neighbor to the south. But good taste unfortunately has never been quite as contagious as say…well, enough with the influenza jokes.

Listen Mexico, you have a wonderful history when it comes to brewing. Michael Jackson says that you had the first commercial brewery in the New World, which was created by the Spanish around the mid-1550s.

Later on, German immigrants settled in Texas and then moved southward into your country bringing with them their amazing brewing knowing and styles. Despite the heat of your land and the difficulty brewing them there, you have the Germans to thank for making the majority of your beers lagers.

And what do you do? You make Corona and Pacifico and Tecate and Sol. Your skunky crap begs for a lime in order to make them slightly drinkable. If I was German, I would hate you.

I think Denis Leary sums this kind of disrespect for the New World up with his routine about why the French hate America: “Why the French hate Americans? Years ago, they gave us the croissant–‘le cwa-soh’– And what’d we do? We turned it into a ‘croissandwich.’ Thank you very much.”

Thanks, Mexico. Thanks for turning a perfectly balanced lager into Corona Light.

So, since it is Cinco de Mayo, I’m drinking a Negra Modelo, which is honestly very close to a Vienna lager.

(And why, in the name of all that is holy, are you bringing me a frozen mug? Why do you hate me?)

It is a darker beer with a nice bit of malt and caramel. I like this brew despite the fact it has a corn flavor in the background. But it is clearly a huge winner over anything else you are making and putting in clear glass bottles.

Let me help through these tough days, Mexico. Let’s take baby steps. Put your beer in dark bottles to start with. At that point, you will be at the same crappy quality level with the nasty, but slightly less skunky, lagers that the American macros sell.

Thanks,

Me

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